An Old Friend, Blame

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At 26 years old my body was in rough shape.  After giving birth to my first baby, I left the hospital sick and spent much of the next two years battling virus after virus, allergies, asthma, GERD, eczema, and my frienemy, anxiety(with a touch of depression).  I can remember blaming someone who came to visit us in the hospital for my body's inability to fight.  

Blame is such an easy way out, isn't it?  When we blame we don't have to own our shit and can pass it on to someone else without the dreaded guilt.  "It's not my fault" is a lot easier than, "I did this to myself and am the only person who can undo it".

It took about 18 months, dozens of doctor visits, and a handful of prescription drugs to think differently, then start asking questions:

-Is this drug going to heal my condition?

-How long will I have to take this drug?

-What is wrong with me?  What is causing my immune system to fail me?

-What will my life look like 10 years from now?

It was the last question, what will my life look like 10 years from now, that ignited my strength driven by my powerful, determined, inner leader.  I left the doctors behind and took a close look at my daily life, priorities, food choices, and got brutally real with myself.  

It was time to accept it all.

It's actually NOT the daycare's fault my toddler caught every virus and lived with a constant runny nose.  It's NOT the doctor's fault I wasn't getting better on a concoction of prescription drugs.  It's most definitely NOT anyone else's fault, not even my husband's!

I can control a lot and what I cannot, will be let go.

Today, slightly shy of that 10 year mark, I am more driven than ever, still working hard to own all my own shit while guiding others to do the same.

Now, drug-free, med-free, illness-free and BLAME FREE...I look in the mirror and can hardly believe it.  If my body shouts loudly at me with a symptom, I know my lifestyle choices, priorities and thoughts need tweaking.  Of course, every body and circumstance is different, but this is my truth I claim.

When blame is replaced with acceptance, powerful healing and life-lessons are on the table, ready to be used as tools to teach and grow.  

While far from the easy way, it's the only way to live my best life.